apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
