we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
