using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
