We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
