I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
