Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize