I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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