my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
