I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
