so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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