I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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