I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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