I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
