At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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