I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
