She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
