i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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