moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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