Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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