I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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