i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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