she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
