He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
