She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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