Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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