a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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