I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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