Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize