No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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