Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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