I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
