i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
