girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
