She is in my trunk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
