maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
