i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
