I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
