Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
