I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
