Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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