As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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