she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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