so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
