Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
