OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
