The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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