and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
