i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
not ubering you a puppy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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