There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize