I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
