I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
