just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize