But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
