what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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