She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
