I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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