have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then my night got REAL pukey
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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