his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
