im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize