so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
