i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
