just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
