My hand turned me down
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
