Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
