I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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