I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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