she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
