two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
