I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The ass gains better be worth it
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