Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
